I do. I wish that my life hadn't come to this place. That she had been able to move forward with me, instead of without.
Then I stopped and realized: wishes aren't actionable. I am suffering because I want something that is utterly out of my possibility to do anything about.
The truth is that I am afraid. I am afraid because my life has become less known and more unknown and I don't know what to do about that. I am hurt because of an absence but that absence is a known thing. I want that absence to be amended because then at least I can go back to what is known.