Friday, June 21


Facebook is making me depressed these days. Well, I suppose a few things are. I recently said, "When people do awesome things, I want to give them money. Oh. Wait. Nobody wants to give me money."

And yeah, that was a joke but it made me feel very glum. I'm in need of more money. Not even a lot, but more, nonetheless. Enough to have Fuck You money (FY$) instead of just Oh Shit money (OS$). It's not even as though I have much OS$. I am having to scrape by every month and it's just no fun. 

Which leads me to the next problem: getting money is about doing work. And I don't have work that I "love" and expect to get paid for, so I just work. Work that I don't get paid enough for might be OK, if I loved it. 

So now I have to find better paying work. This forces me to care about something I don't really give a shit about; Money. Don't get me wrong, I want enough money. But that's all I need; enough. There isn't a passion project for 'enough'. 

I am explaining this badly. Essentially; it would be best to be enthusiastic about your work. But I don't care about work, I care about all the other things; friends and games and writing and beer. And I need money to support my interactions with those other things. So I have to screw up enough gumption to give a shit about something I don't to try and find "better" work. A process that generally leads to being told "no, we don't want you."

So I have to try and rev myself up for rejection, all to acquire something I don't care about (better work) so that I can hopefully get enough money to have FY$, so I can do the things I DO care about. 

Thursday, June 13

21st Century Blues

I generally miss having people to interact with. Work is...just there, these days and when I go on Facebook all I can think of is; I have nothing to say to these people. Nothing that matters, anyway. 

It is a lame feeling, to look for work and feel as though you would not be considered for anything. This is not unlike when I was a teenager, and every woman I looked at was sure to have nothing to do with me. I dunno why that viewpoint changed but the one about work does not. 

I recently said to someone 'When people do something awesome, I want to give them money. Oh, dear. Nobody wants to give me money.'

And it's a nice joke but the truth is that the world only cares about what it can get from you/what you can do and....I'm not sure that I can do much that is useful. It isn't too late to learn something useful but what to learn? I don't really want to do it by myself. I like taking on things with people. 

Which is weird. But there it is.