Thursday, January 24

Nuking the site from orbit

I have a vasectomy scheduled for tomorrow.

This feels a little weird, because I'm making a choice that's quite final. Final choices always have more weight, and that weight is present in part because even though I never wanted to have kids, I did have the realization that I could have them, and it would be a good life.

That said; the idea of being a father scares me to death. I don't have a bad life, but I also am under no illusions that it's one that could support another human being. I guess what makes this event so weird is that I'm choosing between two fears, and I don't like either of them.

I also don't like the idea of something edged being taken to my testicles. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'm going to think that's good and hope for it.

As with so many things, the whole story is a little complicated. The lass at one point would've loved to be a mom. Now, the circumstances of her life compel her, as a smart, caring, wonderful person, to close that door. And she, she I'd have a family with; so it's bittersweet.

I was telling Rasta about it this last weekend, and what I said was, "This decision does not come without a little regret, but I think it's the best one."

I still do. I just think it's a little sad, too.


Combustible Monkey said...

Oh, man. Good luck, brother.

Momentous decision. Truly.

A.Ho said...

We've both been discussing this with ourselves for sometime huh? Easier to talk about than do, no? I was nearly certain I was going to do it this last year then decided I wasn't quite sure, even though I am mostly sure. Crikey.

DM said...

It's not so bad, A. I mean-yeah, it's easier to talk about than do, but things finally boiled down to this: do I want to run the perpetual risk or not?

And I don't. Too many possible negatives.

@C-M; thanks man. I am a bit relieved that it's done, actually.