Friday, July 15

• fun lists •

5ives: Merlin's Lists of Five Things

Five things people I knew in high school swore they’d do on their 18th birthday

1. change first name to “Porsche Rose”
2. stalk Prince
3. smoke the world’s fattest joint—right in front of the Dean of Boys
4. get tattoo of the cover of Iron Maiden’s Number of the Beast across entire back
5. just chill out and shit

Five fake urban myths I’d like you to earnestly share with your friends and colleagues

1. Computer hackers can now steal anyone’s underpants using their own PC
2. “Starving” people in Africa spend most of their aid money on big-screen TVs, pole-dances, and perfectly good food that they just throw away
3. There is actually no “Norway”—it was invented in the mid-’40s as part of an MGM publicity stunt
4. Studies show there’s more feces on your doorknob than there is in an actual pile of feces
5. There’s a little girl in Arkansas named Ashley-Marie who has full-blown entitilitis, and she’s praying that everyone in America will breakdance for her at noon next Monday

Five things I’d like to see engraved on little rubber bracelets

1. Nap Strong
2. My Other Bracelet is Fighting Colon Cancer
3. America: Shut Thy Pie Hole
4. Kiss Me, I’m Trendy
5. Please Watch Arrested Development

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