Tuesday, November 23

New reading

.: I was reminded last night that it's a very, very small world.

In the meantime, read the link. Good stuff, once again, from my patron Saint.

Friday, November 19

whoring out

.: I just wanted to have There Is A Blue Light somewhere, so I put it in the LJ.
Well, that, and I wanted some kind of fucking post there.

There's something more than profoundly beautiful about that song, and when you couple it with the last movie I saw-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is great- I think I may be revealing more than I know about my mental state.

The house is throwing a party tomorrow. And the old friend is coming back to visit. That tingle I get when something good is coming-that's what I got.

Thursday, November 18


Woke up. Didn't really want to get up. It's Nov 18, 2004, and I don't feel like going to work. Spenet 3 minutes, just standing in front of the bathroom mirror in my underwear, wondering if I should just say the hell with it and call in sick.
This isn't depression, understand. I just know that I don't have a lot to do today that needs to be done. I'm tired. Woke up tired. I've mostly recovered from the cold, but tendrils still remain.
It just feels like one of those days when I'd be better off playing Metroid and kickin' it on the couch than doing anything useful.
Word is, the new Metal Gear Solid is worth playing as well. But I have Metroid and it's sucking me into the Aether world. I'll take it, right now. There seems to be new and interesting things to look at, and I find myself scanning everything in the game, sometimes 2 or 3 times, just to get a handle on what the fuck it is I'm looking at. The controls are as they were in Metroid Prime, and I'm very focused-far more than usual, at looking around at everthing to try and get the most out of my adventure. It's a little difficult at the start, insofar as once you set down a path, going backward isn't made possible. I figure that will change, but right now it's a little annoying because I don't always know that I'm chosing to go on a one way path, and I haven't always explored enough before going through the door.
I haven't even been at work for an hour and I want to go home and take a nap. Just blow this day off, drink some tea, play videogames until my head asplode.
I think I would've done it if there'd been someone to blow the day off with. It's that kind of day-you can't quite justify saying 'fuck it' yourself, but someone else giving you that nudge-and you're gone. You've decided to do it before you've decided to do it, you know?
The sun looked like a sigil of the apocalypse, gray clouds diffusing the faint light around it giving us only a yellow-gray ball of doom. There was an accident on Hawthorne bridge in the jousting lane, which had me arriving later to work than intended.
All signs point to staying the fuck home. I should listen to myself more often.

Tuesday, November 16


.: There are times when I see or hear emails such as "watch greatest incest video ever", that I cannot wait-am actually praying for armageddon. For the gods to come, and raze the earth, and take the mostly good and punish everyone else.

Then, things like the link come along. You'll need Flash. And sound.
But it just makes my entire day better.

I need to know who does this song. It's like...balm for my soul.

Mein Fuz, whom I love, had found this:

Saturday, November 13


.: I've done a new rant. Just something to think about in the troubled times and all. Comment if you wish. Link is where you'd except it to be.

Thursday, November 11


.: So...I'm flipping thru the blog, no? Call it narcissism, but I do like to reread what I wrote, sometimes. There can be jems in there-and not. Occasionally there are comments-but this is rare.
Then I read this comment on the last post:
"Doug said... hola .. if you're interested in finding out how deep the rabbit hole really goes contact me 3:18 AM"

Now, really. What the fuck is going on here? You are not Morpheus, and I am not fucking Neo, and these little bullshit movie referencing headgames are something I quit giving a fuck about about 10 years ago. Being cryptic is bogus. Just fucking say you want to talk to me, or x,y,z or goddamn email me; it's not hard. You click on buttons. These buttons produce symbols on the screen known as letters-and I read those letters, decrypt what it is you're saying and we have a dialogue.

Otherwise, you're wasting my time.

Friday, November 5

When it's over...

.: Yeesh. I'm tired. A little sick, too, I think.
I've been trying to combat, in some manner, the depression that has sunk into not only my friends, but myself, due to the election results. The linkage shows the interesting debate I've been having.

Sigh. It's fucking depressing. Being a cheerleader when, really, I should be advocating the end days I think. But-and here's the rub-I don't quit. If I did, I'd've stopped writing long, long ago.

I've had the adventure of a couple 'dates' in the past month. I guess they were dates. I just went out, talked and drank beer/ate food. It never felt like a date-mostly b/c I wasn't thinking; hey, this is something I'd like to turn into a romance/sex/whatever thing. I just figure-fuck it, am I having a nice time?
Nor did any kind of romance/sex/whatever type thing present itself. Women. I think they know they should avoid me right now. Maybe I should move so I can get laid again. Yes, getting laid is still something I'd like to do. Nicely, so that nobody gets hurt, but without anyone asking me for anything.

I don't feel like doing anything but dictating the terms of a relationship, right now.

I won't deny feeling all fucked up. But I really don't want to feel pathetic. Hence, I need some goddamned rest.

And I need to work on the fucking book. Time, I just need more time.

Tuesday, November 2

GodDAMN I'm a dick

.: I know that I shouldn't be wasing my life on Magic General Fourm discussion boards. I know this.
But it's just such a safe place to be a dick to people like Cronac.
For example. Or
But truthfully, you have to see this to understand why I'm calling him smallshoes.

I know, I know. I shouldn't be such a spiteful, hateful fucker to people who have different values than I do.
Guess I'll have to work on that.